I’ve been faced with this question in many aspects of my life and business the past few weeks. It’s left me quite honestly, emotionally drained. I feel as though my relationships are suffering because I just don’t have much left to GIVE. Then I feel guilty for always being the one who seems to TAKE.

Why HATE? Seeing the events unfold re: the killings of black men across America and the injustice that surrounds it all has been frightening. Having that type of violence reach into your own community opens your eyes to a whole new level of shock. Of numbness. Of self-defense. Of pride. Of sadness.

I mostly fear for my daughter. That she has to grow up in an era of society where divisiveness seems to be most prevalent – whether it’s politics, gun control, social media portrayal, God, discrimination, the list goes on. There are so many issues in our world today and yet the one solution continues to be ignored.

How about Respect & Kindness? How have people grown up in the last decade and forgotten to simply respect one another? Respect views of each other even though we may disagree. Be kind, even when we disagree. There is a selfishness in humanity that is spreading like wildfire. Like the plague.

Why DISEASE? I can’t even give the C word the time of day for fear of breaking down. Nobody prepares you for when your friends are forced to bury their children. I’m thirty – fucking – seven. Nobody prepares you for what to say. Nobody prepares you for how to feel. How about friends and family who are battling that damn C word – and they succeed in their first several attempts – but are starting to fail? Nobody prepares you for this.

Shouldn’t modern medicine have figured this shit out by now? Figured out a way to stop the pain of our loved ones? To beat the horrible diseases that overtake our bodies? Why aren’t we there yet?

Because we’ll never be there…

Why, God? I know we haven’t had the closest relationship, but part of me feels like you knew this was all coming and yet you allowed it to happen. You allowed sin. You allowed it and it’s going to make us self-destruct. I don’t know the scriptures, I’ll be the first to admit. I can’t quote from the Bible. But you said Jesus would come again when the world ends. Until recently I never thought I’d actually live to see that day. Kinda feel like now I might.

So what the heck is my purpose, then? Every 2 steps I take forward, I get knocked back 3. How am I supposed to focus on my family and live each day to the fullest when we are constantly surrounded by evil? The glimpses of “good in the world” are so few.


This is part of WHY I became a fitness coach. I wanted to be that GOOD for someone else. I wanted to change lives like I was able to change my own. But I couldn’t do it by myself. I needed the support of my family and my friends and my team. I’ve been able to help hundreds of people on their health and fitness journeys – helped them lose weight, feel better, and have more energy for their own kids and families. When someone texts me to thank me, I tear up. I turn around and thank them. Because they helped me as much as I helped them. My customers inspire me daily to keep going and keep fighting the good fight.

We all have a purpose here on earth while we’re here. It’s our job to figure out what that purpose is. I can honestly say that I’m scratching the surface at 37. There is so much more I want to do. There is so much more I CAN do.

So maybe asking WHY isn’t such a bad thing after all. Maybe asking WHY is meant to steer us towards the next stepping stone, the next clue on the map, the next puzzle to untangle. Maybe all we’ll ever do in life is ask WHY…because we’ll never get our answers until we die.


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