This was originally posted on my Crazy Cat Lady Coach facebook page about 10 days ago. Ironically, I began the post with, “Disclaimer: this post should likely be on a blog, but as I started it, I had no idea it would go this direction.” It couldn’t have been farther from the truth. And of course, I’m finally getting a few minutes to write, so I thought I would share what I wrote with you here…enjoy and please leave a comment and let me know what you thought!
I had the house to myself for a few hours this afternoon while I was taping our hallway to get ready to paint it this week. It was the first time in almost two weeks that I had a significant chunk of time to myself – and I cranked up the music and got to work.
It felt like a run in a way because I was excited to be working on a project, but it wasn’t the most physically fun task. However, I had my music and I quickly found my way into my zone. Ripping the tape in a rhythm just like I was striding down the road – “rip, stretch, place, smooth…rip, stretch, place, smooth.”
A fleeting thought crossed my mind, “the last time I painted a room I had a glass of wine next to me most of the afternoon/evening.” And that opened the floodgates.
“Gosh I miss drinking sometimes.”
“It would make this a little more lighthearted.”
“Who am I kidding, I wouldn’t have just a glass.”
“I really did some stupid ass shit when I was drunk”
“Why can’t I be like those people who can stop at 2 drinks?”
“If my parents knew how I’d embarassed myself…”
“Why doesn’t anyone else get hungover like I do?”
“If I could just NOT get hungover, I’d probably drink again.”
“That’s not happening, Brooke.”
“You should be proud, not ashamed.”
“I wonder how many days it’s been…”
And then I counted. Today marks 101 days I haven’t had a sip of alcohol. This day isn’t over yet, so I couldn’t count it officially lol. 100 days I have woken up and not had to worry about feeling like crap. 100 days I have been cognizant of every emotion I feel. 100 days of not trying to cover up my problems. 100 days of facing head on every challenge life throws at me. That’s a lot of f*cking days for me to not go without drinking. My previous record was 56 I think.
But this isn’t about records anymore for me. It’s a lifelong commitment. A commitment to my family. A commitment to my daughter. A commitment to myself.
I am not saying whatsoever that drinking alcohol is bad; I do not judge anyone who drinks just because I choose not to anymore. Shit, how could I judge anyone for the same thing I did (and did way too much of) for 20 years?
For ME, alcohol was a mask. For ME, alcohol was a drug. For ME, alcohol was a crutch. For ME, I could not stop at 1 drink. For ME, I could not stop at 2 drinks. For ME, alcohol could have destroyed my life on too many occasions. Therefore, I quit for ME.
You know how they say that you never know how you may impact someone’s life? That’s such a huge reason why I love coaching and being a postiive and motivating force for others – on social media, in my friendships, in my family. Well, there are three people who influenced my life and my decision to quit drinking, simply because they weren’t afraid to share their story on social media. NONE of these individuals even knew I had tried to quit before, that I was thinking about quitting again, that I wondered if I had a problem. They just posted things here and there on Facebook that made me realize they struggled with alcohol at one time, too. But that they had beaten it and they were sober now. Deep down in my heart, I know I wouldn’t be here celebrating 100 (almost 101) days of sobriety if it weren’t for them.
With tears in my eyes, I want to acknowledge and thank Reggie Graham, Suzi Young, & Vanessa Goodman for opening your hearts to me. I want to thank you for being my inspiration. For giving me the courage to do what was best for me. Thank you for listening to me when I’ve needed a friend. Thank you for making me laugh and always offering encouragement, hugs, and advice. I love you all and appreciate you more than you’ll ever know.
I hope my husband, Jim knows that it’s meant a lot to me that he put up with all my crap for so many years. I won’t go into detail, but let’s just say not every man would still love me today.
If you are struggling with something you’re not sure how to face, reach out to a friend you trust. Feel the fear…and do it anyway. Listen to your gut. Don’t wait. Everything happens for a reason and it all becomes a part of your story. Your story is yours. It’s your journey and yours alone. You have the power to change your story. You also have an obligation (IMHO) to share your story…
~YOU NEVER KNOW WHOSE LIFE YOUR STORY MAY TOUCH~