I’ve said it a million times to clients about eating healthier or working out. I’ve said it to friends in casual conversation in support of their goals. My husband has even said it to me as I sit there and complain about not being where I want to be.
How glaringly obvious yet secretly maddening are those two words? For a perfectionist such as myself, I want to beat my head against a wall because “I can’t just start!” In my head I tell myself that “I have to do A, B, then C” in order to be ready to go. I have to plan meals, grocery shop, and meal prep if I want to start eating better. I have to look at the schedules of several studios to see what classes could even have a chance at working with my life. I have to know exactly what I want to write about in order to post something on my blog.
In reality, it all boils down to fear.
A few people in my life know that I want to write a book. I’ve been saying this for years. From the first time I said it forever ago to this very moment, nothing has changed in the way of solidifying a title, a theme, an idea, anything. So guess where I am in my book writing? Almost finished!
I’ve decided I need to focus less on the idea of a book and more on the idea of creating the habit of writing. Yet fear remains at the forefront of my mind. I have no idea who is going to be reading my stuff. If anyone is actually going to care. Or worse yet, if anyone is going to read it at all. That would solve my fear problem, though, wouldn’t it? If nobody reads my stuff, then I have nothing to worry about!
I’m still going to worry. I’m going to likely overshare at some point. I may upset or offend someone. I may lose readers. I hope I don’t lose friends. What I know is that I’m going to write with honesty and courage. My goal is to be vulnerable and transparent in my thoughts and feelings. Why? Because something tells me I’m not alone in them. Someone out there reading on the interwebs is struggling with fear in the same way that I am. Struggling with self-doubt. Coping in unhealthy ways. Believing lies they tell themselves.
So here I am. Just starting.